so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
