just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
