I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
