I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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