btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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