glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
