I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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