i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
