Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize