Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
