my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
