Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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