Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
