I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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