i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
