Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
