the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
