I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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