If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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