he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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