I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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