This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
