the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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