i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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