Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
