I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
