Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
