I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't want my vagina anymore.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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