Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
