What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
