I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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