I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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