even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
