Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
