no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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