the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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