just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
