I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
