Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
