I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
