We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
