The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
