i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
