five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
