And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
