You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
