i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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