There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
