Me too!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
