i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
