sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
