how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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