you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
