who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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