using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
