Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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