She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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