Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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