Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We got so high we made milksteak
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
MIDGETS
????
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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