I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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