there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
