If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
