so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's blow job season.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
