Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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