It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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