Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
