The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize