i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
