OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
