I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
