sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize