Don't you send me to vm
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
