"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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