He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My feet surprised me
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