U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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