Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
