My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
