so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
