I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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